At the end of May, I spent three days in Palm Cove, Cairns at the Women of Impact Leadership Retreat with Amanda Blesing and a great group of like-minded women. The theme was ‘Let’s thrive, not just survive’ and the retreat was designed to create space for clear thinking, honest conversation and meaningful progress.

This was my second year attending, and it gave me the opportunity to reflect on how far I had come since the previous retreat. Last year, I made a promise to myself: I would finish my memoir and get it published. It was especially meaningful to revisit that goal, having received the final edit of the manuscript the day I flew out of Sydney.

One of the questions we were asked to consider after the retreat was: If you could look back and speak to your ten-year-old self, what would you say?

My memoir follows my adolescent years from age eleven, when I was diagnosed with a potentially fatal neurological condition. The next five years became a nightmare cycle of emergency trips to hospital, brain surgeries, and the trauma of repeatedly losing my hair.

So, to the happy, confident ten-year-old girl who loved being part of a large Irish Catholic family, lived in public housing in Sydney’s western suburbs, and was succeeding at school before her life changed forever, I would offer these pieces of advice to help her thrive, not just survive:

• You are braver than you think: The next few years you will face serious medical will bring serious medical challenges that will test you in ways you cannot imagine. But you possess an inner strength that will help you rise after every setback and find your way forward. That courage will become part of who you are and will help you face life’s challenges with determination and grace.
• Your worth is built on your resilience, not your appearance, background or your status in life: Your looks, where you live, or your place in society do not define you. Do not let bullies at school, at work or in the community make you feel small.  Your value comes from your character, your resilience, and the way you keep moving forward when life becomes difficult.
• Hold onto your family’s love: Talk to your parents, brothers and sisters often. Share what is happening in your life, what you’re learning, what scares you, who you admire, and what feels difficult right now. Your family will offer wisdom, love and guidance. Their love will be your anchor and help sustain your hope through life’s storms.
• Real friends are wonderful and hard to find: You will meet all kinds of people in life. Some will be lifelong friends. Others will try to make you doubt yourself.  Real friends are people who:
• Love you for who you really are
• Support you when things are hard
• Have your back when you need them most
• Hold you accountable to your promises
• Encourage you to become the best version of yourself

When you find these people, keep them close. Treat them well and offer them the same qualities they bring to your friendship. Keep showing up for them, and they will keep showing up for you.

• Keep learning – it something you will treasure all your life: Learning will open doors, broaden your perspective, and help you grow. Read books, borrow from libraries, share them with friends, and build your own collection. Watch documentaries, read newspapers, explore new ideas and stay curious about the world around you. Soon, the internet will open up the endless opportunities to learn. At work, learn not only your own role but also the roles and skills that interest you. Whether through school, university, college, community classes, online courses, or your own curiosity, never stop learning. A curious mind will enrich your life in ways you cannot yet imagine.
• Trust yourself: There will be times when you doubt your abilities or question your decisions because others seem more confident or knowledgeable. Listen to advice but never ignore your own instincts. The voice inside you is wiser than you realise, and learning to trust yourself will help you navigate some of life’s most difficult moments.

As I reflected on this question at the retreat, I realised that the lessons I learnt during my teenage years became the foundation of both my survival and my growth. They were forged through illness, adversity, friendship, family, learning, and self-belief.

Writing my memoir has given me the opportunity to revisit those experiences with a different perspective. What once felt like impossible challenges now reveal the resilience, courage, and hope that carried me through.

My memoir, If I Ever Get Out Of This Place, will be released later this year. If you’d like to follow the journey, learn more about the book, or watch the trailer, you can visit helenotoole.com.au.

If you could sit down with your ten-year-old self today, what would you say?

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